Ok so yesterday was our three yr wedding anniversary. Very romantic, lada lada, right? WRONG, nothing went right!:) haha

So my day starts off with me getting up at 7am to go to work. Stephen is already gone for the day. I get showered, dressed, make-up, etc. and am heading out, closing the door and I think, "Hmm maybe I should check the schedule and make sure Im going into work at the right time. I might be going in earlier than I need to." So I walk back in, go to the fridge and look at the schedule...It reads July 10th--OFF. I'm like "AH!!! Im so stupid! I remember now that I had requested off for my anniversary! Dumb blonde moment!" So Im frustraited and happy all at the same time and I dont know why but I get a tear in my eye from all the confusion...lol. So I get changed back into jeans and tank top and decide to take the dogs on a walk since Im already up. So I get my pug and mastiff puppy (who is seven months old and already 120 pounds!) and leash them up and we are off. I walk about a block when a construction truck drives by, guys hanging out yelling perverted comments and I just ignore and keep going. I arrive home and sit down and a huge migrane hits me. So I feel like crap for a couple hrs with this on and off again headache.

At the end of the day I realize Stephen is coming home and Im all excited to kiss him and tell him happy anniversary and we had plans to go out to dinner.

So I decide well I want to look really good for him so I curl my hair, put on some more make up and put on a short black shirt and black halter top and heals. I'm ready to go out and cant wait till he gets home.

He arrives home and has roses and a card for me and I gave him the card I had made for him.

All is going well.....then, as we are heading out the door to go to dinner, it begins to pour rain, and I mean POUR!:) My hair goes flat, and is all puffy and wet and Im soaked in a matter of seconds. So I run in high heels to the my car door and open it and my seat is covered in Stephen's work stuff, so Im trying to clear off the seat in a hurry while Im getting dumped on by rain. So Stephen tells me to go back inside and he will do it. So I run inside while he clears off my seat. Then he gets in the car and and decides to pull out and pull back in so the passenger side is on the side where I am in the house looking out the door. I run out again, and jump in. He asks if I locked the door and I had forgotten. So he jumps out to go lock the door and leaves the car in REVERSE.....all the sudden, the car rolls backward and I'm yelling "Oh no! Stephen! Oh no!" He just watches and yells "OH NO!" back at me. Then he runs toward me rolling away in the car, but not in time. I hear the crack of my car backing into his truck and I just loose it. I start crying. I burry my face in my hands. I had tried so hard to look beautiful for him and now Im soaked wet, my hair is flat, and we just crunched both cars. So anyways, Stephen jumps in and puts the car in park and tries to comfort me and apologizes. I was like "It's ok, lets just go." So we head off to dinner and about ten minutes later Stephen says "Oh, no." I'm like, "What now?" He looks at me, "I forgot my wallet." At this point Im like Ok, this is just not working out...But luckily I had my wallet so we just went on to dinner.

Dinner was fine. We went to a Brazilian place called Cena and was great.

Then we go home and decide to order a movie from direct tv. So we pick one out and it somehow messed up and ordered us the wrong one, so then we had to buy two movies instead of one...LOL

But we sat and cuddled for the movie and I made cookies and we had a good evening.

At least it is an anniversary we will always rememeber!!!:) LOL

It has been six years today that my Grandma Carolyn Russell passed away in her sleep suddenly and unexpected.

I was in Chile, getting ready to graduate from high school, when we got the call. I remember Mom and Dad left to go back to Ohio right away. I was numb, in shock, in disbelief. I remember the day they flew out, I was home alone that night and I went up stairs to take a shower. I remember as the water ran over me, it just hit me that my Grandma was gone, never coming back and I didnt get to say good bye. She didnt get to congradulate me on graduating. I was just weeks away from flying home to Ohio again and would be seeing her....now.....no more. I fell to my knees and screamed out to God. I was angry, so angry. I screamed, "WHY?!!" over and over. I've never cried so hard. I don't know how long I was lying on the floor of the shower crying, but I remember the water finally turning cold and I didnt even care, I felt nothing, just empty, a huge sense of loss, like I had never felt before.

Years before this, I remember sitting in Grandma's camper. I was thirteen and it would be one of the last times I got to see her. She was joking around as ussual and laughing up a storm. Then she got serious for a moment and looked at me while touching her diamond stud earrings in her second piercing. She said "These will be yours one day Amanda, when I'm gone." I answered, "Grandma, I dont want to talk about that day. That wont be for a long time." In my heart, at that age, I thought, that would never happen, she would be around forever. She looked at me, her eyes sparkling in mischief as they always did and she smiled, as if to say, 'I love you too Amanda.'

Now, years later, I wear those diamond earrings, every day. I have had them in my ears for six years, only taking them out to clean. I reach up and touch them at times and think of her. It's like having a piece of her with me at all times.

Today at work, I wrote a poem...it's not any good but its from the heart and just came to me in about three minutes time. So if it's rough, that is why.

ABUELA QUERIDA

I woke up this morning to hear my mother say,

Today was the sixth anniversary since you had passed away,

I know you're in a better place now, that much is true,

But everyday seems like that day, and it hurts, how much I miss you,

You werent just my grandma, more like a best friend to me,

We were so alike in every way, was plain for all to see,

When I got the news that chilly day,

I fell to my knees, crying, and began to pray,

"God why? And why her? I need her STILL,

I remember her eyes, I can hear her laugh, this seems so unreal!",

I remember her cookie jar, love of pheasants, and love of her dog,

I remember her jewelry, camping, and her christmas egg nog,

God please tell her how much I loved her, and always that I always will,

Tell her good bye for me, and tell her to watch over and wait for me...until

*In loving memory of Carolyn Sue Russell, died, May 1, 2001*

Grandma, I can't wait to see you again!:) I've been waiting for that day!:)